wait, it's over already?

well, only 3 official days left of classes. then 3 days of finals and i'm done for yet another semester. looking back through some photos of this year, i realize that although maybe i didn't study as hard as i should have and maybe i made some mistakes, i learned a lot about myself. i had fun, i made new friends, i became a happier, improved version of myself. i learned about love, loss, and recovery. i learned how to climb out of the holes that i dig for myself. i learned how to accept the consequences when i've done something wrong, and hold my head up high, knowing that i've learned from my mistakes. i've learned that sometimes people will hurt you, sometimes they'll annoy you, sometimes they'll be there for you, sometimes they'll let you fall on your butt, and sometimes there isn't anyone around when you need them. but that's why it is so iimportant to discover who you are, for those times when you're all alone and you need a friend. i've talked myself in and out and through a lot of crap this past year, heck, the past 3 years. yes i have regrets. who doesn't? but instead of dwelling on what i could've should've would've done, i move on. what will happen next year? who knows. what do i want to do with my life? well, i have a couple ideas. i guess i'm just waiting for things to fall as they may and i'll take life as it comes. i think the most important thing i learned this year is how to love again. how to open up and trust. it took a lot longer than i would've liked, but at least i'm here again. sure i didn't have a wild and crazy dating life, but that's not me. that's not what i wanted. i know that when, if i find someone it will be real. it will be forever. and i'm not in a rush to get there. i'm young and have my whole life ahead of me. i just want to enjoy as much of it as i can. i may not change the world. i may not cure cancer or save a life. but if i can live my life to the best of my ability and be the best version of myself, then that's enough. that's all i ask. i will forever and always remember how i convinced becca that all germs were green. i will remember learning just exactly what bacon is. and i'm pretty sure i'll always remember where the psoas major is. i'll always know that struzzo is ostrich in italian and that one of my heroes bears a strong resemblance to a squirrel. i've definitely learned my lesson about going after something you want, otherwise that something may be married the next time you see it. i'll remember what it feels like to lose a beloved pet and yet find room in your heart to adopt a new member of the family. i'll always remember going to concerts with christina and dancing like a fool, but not caring. i'll remember the sound of thousands of young girls screaming as the jonas brothers came on stage, me and alanna screaming with them. i'll remember bad meals at the hc, and not much better meals at village inn at 2 a.m. i'll remember my first facial and falling asleep during it. i'll remember going to institute and baskin robbins with my sister and growing closer. i'll remember stealing kalie from archana and sending ransom notes for her safe return. i'll remember a crazy 21st princess birthday party, playing high school mystery date, and ordering my own cinderella cake from baskin robbins, the boy working there thinking i'm a complete nut. i'll remember all the old ladies at the pharmacy, the angry ones, the nice ones, the very sick ones. i'll forever remember "m&mies" and certain customers who can always make your day. i'll unfortunately remember kidney stones and illness after illness after "supposed" illness only to find out there's nothing wrong with me. i'll remember how to live a little more healthily and to always take care of my body first and foremost. i'll remember quiet nights filled with despair only to have a letter arrive the next day to wipe away all my tears. i'll remember sudden revelations and truths becoming evident. i'll remember to never lose my faith again and that faith is something you carry on the inside, not something that's on display only once a week at church. i'll remember that a grade is just a letter, not something that determines your self worth and that you almost always have a second chance to make things right again. i'll remember our deep discussions about danny's previous life in the amish community with becca and quentin after inservice meetings. i'll remember how i held a heart and a kidney. i'll definitely always remember how gross the large intestine looks. i'll remember the day i sat in geometry learning what makes a point a point and a line a line. i'll remember saturday nights and winger's and sunday nights at home. i'll remember my parents being my safety net, always there to catch me when i fall.
it's hard to think that all of this has just been from a year, and i've already been through three with one more to go. it makes me a little hopeful, a little scared, a little excited, and a little apprehensive for my (hopefully) last year at the U. but i know that no matter what happens or where life takes me, i have excellent friends, a great family, and a love for myself to get me through it. so thanks to everyone who has been with me on this wild ride.