stupid drug addicts pt. 2

so a while back i wrote about the kid who came in to get needles for his "mom" but it was actually his "friend's mom," wait, no his "friend's mom's dog." i think we heard from him again today, judging by the intelligence of a particular caller.
*phone rings*
me: pharmacy, tech speaking.
man: uh, yeah, i have a family membe-well, more like a frie-well, he's like a really close friend and so he's like a family member.................and he has cancer. can i get his prescription filled for him?
me: that depends. what is it for? [as if i don't know the answer]
man: uh, oxycodone.
me: well, we're going to need you to bring in your license if you're going to pick it up.
man: okay. the other pharmacy said i couldn't fill it for him and he had to come in and get it but how's he supposed to get it? he's like really sick. he's like almost dead. [note: there was no choking up, no sadness in his voice. when he said "he's like almost dead" it was in a tone of voice that could have said "he's like wearing a green shirt." he continues on for a good two or three minutes telling me how his "friend" is "dying."]
me: let me put you on hold and make sure that i'm telling you the right thing.
so i put our crazy friend on hold, tell my pharmacist and we both know that he's lying. he's obviously stolen someone's prescription. so she decides that really the only thing we can do is tell him that we have to have positive ID for both him and his "friend." i get back on the phone to tell him this and all he says is "oh, okay, well.......i'll uh....have to tell my.... uhh.....friend. 'bye."

sometimes you need these people in your life to make you realize just how blessed you are to have more than 2 functioning brain cells.

also you need someone stupid like this to cheer you up after a fellow coworker (who is NOT a tech nor a pharmacist) has just reprimanded you in front of a customer (for something that was actually common sense if they had taken more than 2 seconds to think it through) and treated you like a 2-year-old.